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Ten Perfectly Awful Puns...
- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying
two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry,
gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of
Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the
world.
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
became known as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
- A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the
Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the
man who shot my paw."
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse."But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an
open foyer."
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
- These friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
- And finally there was a man who sent ten
different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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